I spent the majority of 2017 being a total and complete mess. Who the hell am I kidding I've spent the majority of my life in this fragile state.

So imagine my complete and utter surprise when I realized that I've come into 2018 being, also a hot mess. 

I wrote down all of my goals for the new year.
I made a step by step plan with daily activities to make sure I am moving forward. 

I bought the healthy foods.

And then I crumbled.
I was knee deep in a Total Divas marathon, drinking martinis and crying my eyes out when I took a commercial break to reflect. 

What the fuck is wrong with me? 
(Totally rhetorical...there is no comment section here...mmmm...kay?) 

I've always questioned my purpose on this earth. I've always felt this uneasiness of bullshit and discomfort like I was wandering aimlessly through the streets of a sad music video. And this has always caused me great despair. 

But now, it's different. Because now I know, down in my bones, deep in my heart, with my mind and with my soul what my purpose is. I'm slowly building my empire while gaining great momentum. 

And most days,  I feel as if I am going to puke, from nervousness, confusion, frustration or excitement. 

Following your dreams is not for the faint of heart. 

Like the saying goes, “if your dreams don't scare you then they are not big enough”

And I got all the feels of who am I to dream this big?

So I covered my fears with naps and excuses. 

But here's the thing, we need to stop feeling guilty when we seem to be falling apart and give ourselves all the credit for all of the times we effing hold it together. 

Honor your messy self, and remember that you are amazing, even when, especially when you don't feel amazing. 

Your time has come to stop playing small.                                               

We are all growing and changing and learning. 

Keep in mind it has taken us decades to create the habits we have now. We must be patient with ourselves as we grow into the best versions of ourselves and learn to live our biggest most meaningful lives. 

There are going to be days when your mind is telling you the only logical thing to do is to stay “safe” in bed. There are going to be tears and doubts. Leaving your comfort zone is going to feel scary as hell.  

Keep moving away from comfortable until you reach remarkable. 

So maybe you came
stumbling, 
crawling, 
marching, 
sleeping, 
crying, 
whatever
into the new year
just know
this is all totally and completely okay. 

Take a deep breath.
Take a recovery day.
Take a walk.

And then carry on my friends. 

Keep with the process.
Stick to your plan.
And most of all keep the faith. 

I believe in you.
You can do anything.
You are greatly loved. 

Sincerely, 
Veronica Towns